The Little Train That Couldn't

Up until this exact moment, I didn't feel the pressures of this semester alike so many others of you. Literally minutes ago, I had a panic attack about it all. As the semester is coming to an end, I'm just realizing everything that I need to do. 
Here's the to-do list that stares me in the face every single day:

* I deleted the one bullet because it had student names written there. 

As if this isn't enough to stress me out, I have a separate post-it note that has a list of personal stuff. Buy Christmas gift for A, go to the grocery store for B, etc, etc, etc. In addition to my silly little lists of to-do's then I also have to stress over all the other things going on in my life right now.
And people, hellooooo, we have only 15 (yes, that's FIFTEEN) more school days... Am I the only person freaking out here?
How is it ever going to get done? And yet will I have any time just for me? I'll spend all day Tues, Weds and Thurs this week in the classroom and I can guarantee that just my drive home I'll be freaking out because I can't be busy attempting to get something else done on my checklist. DUDES, I AM STRESSIN' OUT.
I can normally handle stress pretty well but not when I'm adding another thing to a list to do and I haven't been able to cross anything else off the list. (And for some ridiculous reason, I have that education connection commercial jingle stuck in my head. This isn't helping my sanity!)
I know most every blog post I try to have a really positive message to send to you... but I can honestly say that I'm struggling to see the light at the end of this tunnel right now. I know I'll get there, because I always do. This train is chuggin' along realllll slow, but we'll get there...
I may not be able to share some good advice with you this week, but I have a pretty awesome red-headed friend who can. Thank you Liz! :)

Good luck guys... we can do it.

The Greatest Game You Can Play

This past Friday night I had a moment of scary realization. But first, let me recap my week for you.

Tuesday-Friday I was in the school. I taught my eleventh grade classes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. (And I get to teach them again tomorrow!) I love it and I think they might even like having someone new teach them. They’re impressed with how much technology I can bring in; just little things like showing them video clips online that are related to what they’re learning (currently it's The Canterbury Tales). I even made them a class blog and they literally ooh’d and ahh’d. I know it’s a bit of fun and games, but I can’t even begin to describe how comfortable I am standing in front of them and getting to share what I know and urge them to discover more on their own. It’s literally as if I was made for this. (I sure as heck hope that’s the truth!) They started an amusing chant that goes something like “Miss Small knows it all!” and I honestly can’t distinguish the difference as to whether or not they’re making fun of me. Regardless, I get them to complete their work and accomplish their goals and I’m willing to make a fool of myself if it means they get to excel. This isn’t at all how silly I may look, it’s about how much greatness they can and will achieve. 

After a long week of teaching just 3 periods a day, I was beginning to realize that this is what my life would look like for the next x number of years. Yet this moment didn’t really begin to sink in until I was sitting at the high school football game on Friday evening. Now mind you that this was my very first attendance at a high school football game (my home school district doesn’t have a team), so this was a whirlwind of new emotions/reactions. As I sat overhearing the conversations from parents around me, I began to realize that this is what my life has become. I’m supposed to be a responsible adult here to serve as a role model and educator for students. The next 10, 20, 30, or 40 years will be spent doing exactly this. Am I the only one who finds this moment of self-realization to be slightly terrifying? 

Now I know we’re young and we have our whole lives ahead of us, but I can’t help but be a little worried that one day I’ll get stuck in a rut. And I don’t work well with ruts, or for that matter, anything that stays completely consistent. I don’t like change, but life is so boring without it. It’s just another paradox of life. So while I sat outside in the freezing cold on Friday night, my heart began to race when I thought of myself sitting in the same spot thirty more years from now. Our students will come and go, but year after year we will still be here. 

Alright, alright. Let’s get over this moment of panic. Because shortly after I had this realization, I sat thinking and dreaming about the future and about how different things can and will be. Even if I’m fortunate enough to have the same job in the same school district for the next forty years, there will always be something changing. Firstly, we must recognize that our students are never the same. As similar as they may seem at first glance, they won’t at all be the same as the class before them or even their fellow peers sitting beside them. Secondly, the content we’ll be teaching will be ever-changing, ever-growing. Think of how much new knowledge and research has been discovered in the past decade. Prepare for more in the future! Finally, we’ll be getting older, gaining new knowledge, having more experience. We're the ones that are changing just as much as our students are growing to find out who they are. Life will never be the same. And the moment it begins to feel that way, we need to do something to change it. 

I don’t know much about football, but I think I’ve found a way to connect football and life. (For those of you familiar with football, I'm sorry if this seems dull.) Okay, so you’re a part of a team that changes year after year as people come and go. But you always remember the successes or mistakes of your fellow teammates. You make decisions based off of their moves. You have a book of plays, but no matter how much you try to predict the opposing team’s movement, you can never guess it all. They’ll always find a way to surprise you; to make a new pass or to stop another ball. You’re going to have a few good throws that a student might catch and run for a 50 yard touchdown. Other times, you might not be able to move the ball forward at all or even lose a few yards. You’re going to lose some games and you’ll win others. But what if you began to play with the mindset that every game is the big championship one? What if every day, you got so pumped up and played it with every being of your very core? It might even begin to look like you were born for that moment.

I'm an English major, you do the math.

Let me share a few numbers and figures with you...

-- As of this past Saturday (11/12) we are officially less than six months away from graduation.

-- There are only 33 more days until the end of this semester.

-- There are only 9 more days until Thanksgiving break.
-- There are only 4 more days until the weekend.  

Saturday also marked the Praxis II test for some of us. Although I was still nervous from all the weight that test carries, I was so incredibly happy after I was finished with it. 2 hours and 120 questions later, I was jumping with joy. Again let me tell you that I think the practice Praxis test that you can purchase is extremely helpful. But I’ll also tell you that the practice test is much harder than the actual one. I was proud to walk out of that room with three of my friends, all feeling confident in ourselves and the direction were heading.

This past week has also marked the end of our official first week of teacher placement. I had the opportunity to talk to some of you about your experiences and I’m so happy to hear they’re all going so well! I want to hear all the details about everyone’s experience! (Comment below!)
Back to the numbers...

There are 1440 minutes in a single day. This week I’ve had to get up at 6 am, leave my house at 7am, take a 20 minute drive, spend the next eight hours in a classroom full of 18-30 students, make the 30 minute drive home (traffic’s increased now), and finish all of my remaining work, eat dinner and take a shower within the last 6 ½ hours before my strict 10:30 bedtime. (I know for some of you, you have much more difficult and exhaustive regimes, so I apologize for making this moment about me right now.) I do this routine a full three days a week as of now. Come January, we’ll be doing this for five straight days for months on end. Now I know what most of you are thinking… is this worth it? Is this the kind of dedication it takes? Is this what the rest of my life is going to feel like?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And more. It’s part of the price we’re going to pay. We put in long hours in and out of school. This isn't the 9 months of teaching, 3 months of summer vacation. Teaching; lesson planning; grading; living our own lives. And what do we get from it? Some of the greatest rewards any job can offer. This isn’t a job or occupation; this will be a way of life. And right now, we’re getting a small sample of it.

I’m not sure about all of you, but from those that I have talked to I already see your happiness radiating as you share with me your experiences. The rewards are already abundant and we’ve only had a few short days testing the waters. Yes, it's stressful and sometimes we're going to have no other option but to cry. But remember: You are changing lives!
Now I’m not about to say that every day is rainbows and lollipops, but what we have to remember what’s important at the end of each day.

There are 1440 minutes in a single day. You are privileged to spend 360- 420 minutes each day with a room full of open young minds. You have minutes of opportunity. Spend every second as wisely as you can. Students are sitting in classrooms for 9 months for 12 straight years. They’re asking to be taught, they’re willing to explore. Present these opportunities in your classroom. Don't accept any norm, rather challenge ideas and push the limits. Change someone's way of thinking. Do great. 

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." - William Shakespeare

English Majors Don’t Cry

(A forewarning before you continue: this post may be a little corny.) 

The past week has been a trying one, filled with floods of emotions. 

“English majors don’t cry,” a friend said to me last week when I was feeling incredibly down about things. Even though I did cry and broke maybe the first rule of the club, I learned an important lesson. When one of us cries, all of us cry. 

Placements arrived on Wednesday and at last, I was one of two English majors without a school. I can’t even begin to describe my disappointment. You all know how badly I was waiting for that day only to leave empty-handed. Nonetheless, the amount of support received from everyone was overwhelming. So many of you said, “You can come to school with me!” It was this little bit that truly made me realize what an amazing bunch of friends and colleagues I have. When I finally received my placement on Friday as a lovely birthday from the field services office, all of you rejoiced with me. My happiness was shared with everyone. 

I know I don’t have much to say for this Monday blog post, but I must offer my deepest thanks to all. This semester would have been extremely lonely and unimaginably difficult without each of you; in fact, I’m not sure I’d still be in the program without your support. I’m so proud to be a part of such a tight knit group of education majors who cannot wait to get out into the real world and start making changes. But more importantly, I’m so honored to call each of you my friends. 

Good luck to all of you going out to schools this week and for those of you still pushing through the regular semester, know that there are only 29 school days left. Do well and make yourself proud! We’re here to carry you through the difficult days and celebrate the smallest victories.

Just take it one day at a time…