The Doctor is in!

Hello week 2 of student teaching!

Over the weekend I sat with a group of friends discussing my upcoming blog post and I posed the question as to what I should write about for this week. As soon as Jess offered the answer, I seriously could hear the "DUH!" in my head. So what's this week's post about? About the importance of needing your friends... the essence of a support circle and the necessity of "me" time. 

I know I've talked about this a lot before and I've offered a thousand thanks to the amazing group of friends and colleagues that I've been privileged to spend the past 3.5 years with. But as we're all disembarking on our own life adventures and we're heading off in different directions, it's important to keep that close knit group of friends nearby to provide you with the support you need when the time comes. Because let's face it-- none of us can do this alone. I've never met anyone who could be all by themselves all the time. I've met people who have tried and sadly, they were miserable. I feel for those people, because at one time in my life, I thought I could do it all on my own. And let me tell you, I crashed and burned terribly. 

It was only through the support of some amazing friends that I had that I could pull my act back together and get back on track. Looking back, I know I could have never done it without them. And now I know that I can't go forward without them either. I'm successful because I surround myself with equally as successful people. We strive to work hard, because we have a close group of friends who work equally as hard to accomplish their individual goals. 

That being said, as we've been told time and time again, we know that student teaching might very well be one of the hardest and most demanding jobs thus far in our lives. My coop even said to me that with the exception of her first year as a full-time teacher, student teaching was, and still is, the greatest challenge she's ever been faced with. And just last Monday as we sat in our supervisor meetings, my supervisor said "Did they tell you to say goodbye to your social life? Because don't. You'll need them. You'll need to stay sane." He couldn't be more right!

There could actually be a medical diagnosis here. Let's play doctor for a moment. I'll be the doctor, you be the patient. Please answer yes or no to the following symptoms:
- After a seven hour day in school do you find yourself entranced by the lives of your students?
- Do you ever find yourself acting like one of your students?
- Do you find yourself sharing a joke you heard one of your students tell you?
- Do you find your mind wandering to find ways to help one of your students?
- Do you find yourself consumed with ways on how to teach a topic, even when you're watching a simple television program?
Alright enough, if you've answered yes to any of these questions, I've decided to give you a diagnosis... you are a teacher! Yes, these are completely normal side effects of the job, but keep in mind we're people too! We've been taught this before, but now is the time to really start listening to the professionals.
If we don't take the time for ourselves and have our "adult time" then we risk getting burnt out too fast. Burning out won't just affect you, it'll run your students into the ground too. The consequences are too high and it's selfish to think you're a superhero.


So since I'm the doctor after all, I'll write you a prescription. Take time for yourself once a day, every day. You know what activities you like to do: go for a run, call up a friend, kick back in front of the tube. Whatever it takes, set aside time for yourself. Even if it's fifteen minutes on your ride home from school: turn up the radio and rock out. And remember, we can't do this all on our own.

Now go forth and live your life!

Tomorrow There's Hope

Tomorrow is the first day of student teaching.
But today was a long day filled with meetings of repeated lessons in professional dispositions. We even had a quiz! (Check your email for the survey you haven't already.) And while I sat today listening to all of these successful people speak about how scary the real world is going to be, I began to get more nervous. Needless to say, I felt the majority of the today was just scaring me more than I need to be. But regardless, I'm still excited. I can't wait to get up and go to school tomorrow to start the day. I'm excited to see the kids and get used to a new schedule for the next fifteen weeks. Today's meetings were long and exhaustive, but I already know how much more tired I'll be in the weeks to come. I'm not even worried about the little sleep I'll get. Because I'm getting to do something that I genuinely love. And one of the things the Dean said this morning is still ringing in my head...
She reminded us that even while we're nervous and frightened for the unknown future to come, we (being the student teachers) have forgotten the most important part. This isn't about us... not at all actually. Yes, our fears are there, very present and very real. But who cares about us? This isn't about me succeeding. This is about getting my students to succeed. Hearing this was an oddly surreal thought for me. I had actually become so consumed by my own worries and fears that I lost sight of what's most important. 
I feel foolish and even a little disappointed in myself. I know I let my worries get the best of me some days, but this time I had let it fully blind me from what was at stake. The truth is, I know I will succeed at teaching. I'm not saying this because I'm arrogant. I'm saying this because I am experienced. I know there's a lot of stuff I need to learn, but I know I can do it because I have before. I've said this before in my last blogpost. Yet meanwhile, I've still made it all about me. Me, me, me. 
Instead of thinking so much about how many different ways I may fail, I need to start thinking about how many different ways I can get my students excel. This isn't a novel idea whatsoever and yet when the Dean brought it to my attention today, I felt like I had been hit by the bus of reality. My focus has shifted now. I need to look outwardly rather than at myself. Now the reality of the situation is that this is about me. We do need to bring a certain amount of skills to the table for students. But we can't forget that students aren't just empty vessels waiting to be filled. They're eager to learn, not just to memorize. So not only do I need to bring all of my content knowledge, but I need to bring all the many methods of instruction.
It seems like every week, I'm here writing about the same old stuff in this blog. I feel like I'm learning and relearning every week. But I've become thankful for that. It reminds me how much of a student I am and how much left there is for me to learn. It also reminds me that I'm no different from my students. I'm worried about teaching and they're worried about learning. Sometimes I wonder how many times I'll need to keep learning these similar lessons, but then I realize that it'll probably never end. I need to keep growing, learning and understanding the world with new insight. 
And it might still be about me. Here I am saying "I... I... I..." well the truth is, without constantly evaluating my students' successes, I'll never know what I need to do better. I am who I am because of them. I'm not teaching for me. I'm teaching for them.
I see it as a cycle. We've become teachers probably because some time long ago a teacher had instilled the idea in our mind that we could make a difference; we could have an impact. And along our journey, we discovered that we were good at teaching. (We're all good if we've made it thus far!) Now, we want to become teachers so we can put that same idea into a child's young mind. Do you see how it just comes full circle? But without someone making learning all about us, we would have never learned this lesson. Now we've lived the past X number of years making it about oneself. Tomorrow we make it about them; tomorrow is for the students. 

The Next Step

One week from today, the majority of us reading this blog will begin perhaps the biggest journey thus far. We start our final semester in college and our first attempt at truly leading a classroom of our own. The moment we've long been preparing for... the goal we've all been waiting to reach... student teaching is finally here.
Sorry for not being overly excited about this. Trust me, I'm super excited to start student teaching. But I'm also scared shitless. (Sorry for the expression.) But it's true. No matter how excited I get with each passing day, I can't help but let my anxiety grow along side it. There isn't a passing day that I have a fleeting thought wondering whether or not I'm going to fail miserably at this. The worst part (or maybe the best) is that I know I can do this. I've done it before. I can teach. I've taught classes. So then why the heck am I so nervous?
Because this is it. This is our last and final shining moment. This is the end of the line. We win or lose. We have no more time on the clock to keep on playing. Does anyone else see my fear in this?
I know it'll be hard work. I'm not necessarily afraid of the hard work. I'm more afraid of trying to balance everything I have on my plate. But that's still not what I'm most afraid of. I know I'll get little sleep. With an hour (approximate) drive to and from school every day, in addition to then all my work at home to do, there will be little time for sleep, let alone a life of any sort. That's still not what I'm most afraid of. I know I'm going to fail a few times. I know that it's okay for me to fail a few times. That's not what I'm most afraid of. Has anyone guessed it yet? What am I most afraid of? 
Simple: The Unknown.
The mystical, mysterious unknown future ahead of us.

What's gonna happen after graduation? I don't know if I'll get a job. I don't know how far I'll be willing to relocate. I know I want to go to grad school, but I need 3 years of teaching experience first so that's on hold, on the back burner. How will I pay my bills? What am I going to do?
I don't want this to sound whiny. I'm just trying to express my fears here.
Some of you know you'll go right to grad school or you're planning on taking a year off. Some of you are getting married or taking time to start a family. Some of you are heading off to Thailand to teach for a year, others are going off to a mission in Africa. And I can't help but sit here and wonder what's my next step? What's my big move? 
I'm banking on a whole lot of prayers and a whole lot of maybes. And I'm honestly scared. For those of you that I've talked to frequently this break, you'd know the amount of emotional breakdowns I've had wondering about and fearing the future.
Even while many of you have the next step figured out, I know there's some of you that don't know what's next. You and I are riding in the same lost boat at sea. So what are you doing to cope? What are you planning for? Because I'm tired of having an A-Plan but also having a B, C, and D plan to back up in case the others fail.
I know I'm saying a lot of what-if's and a lot of maybes but this is the future: a whole lotta maybe and a whole lotta chance.