Looking back on it, 2011 was a pretty plain year. I mean, last year I travelled to Alaska and had an amazing journey there. This year, I've suffered through classes and for what? Yes, last year I went on a grand adventure, but this year I did too. I think I've grown so much in this year than any year before. Each year seems to be better than the last, but this one is special for some reason. I cannot pinpoint any specific moments, but there are a few I remember distinctly. Like this summer when I sat on the porch one night talking to my dad and telling him how scared I was for the future. Or another moment when I realized last semester that maybe I didn't want to be or couldn't be a teacher any more. Or the moment at the start of this semester when I couldn't ignore the calling God had for me any longer.
Yet within the past month alone, I've had a few of these ah-ha moments. Like the one I shared with you about my experience at the football game and realizing this would still be me in twenty more years. Or briefly after that, the moment where I came to peace with that feeling and the fact that I'm getting older and it will be okay. I think one of the biggest moments occurred this past Thursday when I finally finished my field placement and I couldn't help but feel like as I walked out of those school doors, I was leaving a piece of me behind. And when I found myself sharing these wonderful and amazing stories I have from my experience, I can't help but notice that I've started calling my students "my kids."
My kids. I had 48 of them this semester. Next I'll probably have double that if not more. Yet each of them are uniquely special. And as I hear about all of your experiences, I can't help but notice that you call them the same. Who would have thought that'd we mothers and fathers at age 21-22? It seems like all of that stuff that McDowell talked about in Issues with us about in loco parentis suddenly now makes sense. We get to spend a full 7-8 hours with these students during some of the most important times in their lives. I've said it before but I have to say it again; do you know lucky we are to have an opportunity to shape the future of our society? Only special people are called to do this job and we've all been blessed enough to experience this together.
Earlier in my blog, I shared with you a conversation that I had with Jen about being a parent and giving away the responsibility of caring for your child to a teacher. I wrote about how scared I was and how I didn't know I'd be able to handle that responsibility. I'm still scared and I'm still worried I'll fail, but I know I can do it now.
I've spent the past four weeks loving and caring on complete strangers. It took me awhile just to remember all their names, but now it's hard to imagine how this week will be without them. It's strange for me to think how fast I got attached to them, but it's so easy when you spend those precious 7-8 hours a day discovering and learning new things. They aren't just students that come and go, they're a new part of a collection of my kids that will pass with every new year. I won't stop thinking about them or remembering the wonderful new knowledge and experiences they offered me. It's true that you never really realize how a person, or group of people, can impact your life until they're gone.
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